March 27, 2014

Well I finally tried it

I have been spiraling out of control since starting a new depression medicine Fetzima.
I tried to end it but it didn't work. Imagine my frustration. It's been my son that has stopped me before. I feel now he deserves a better mom. He's home from school now so I'll come up with something that might work this weekend when my husband and son are gone for hours on Saturday
I've been suicidal most of my life. Nothing new. My dad says I'm no longer his strong child, my brother would rather embrace his new wife's family and their neighbors.

I'm going to make some videos for each of them. I will really miss my adorable, loving son.he has similar issues to me ADD, speech and language problems, he's a target for bullying. I can't watch this unfold anymore. I spend every waken moment with him the minute he comes home. I organize his binders, folders, homework, help him study for tests, I've got him in two additional academic programs. It's working. But this deep depression is so so strong. I was on Pristiq. Also four other potent medications. Pills are not my method not at all.
I don't think it works.

March 18, 2014

when suppressing anger is no longer an option

Many who know me wouldn't believe for a second that I suppress frustration for quite a while until one day, one moment, in a split second or less, my anger/rage comes out. Often a surprise to doctors, coworkers, teachers and school administration, one day the somewhat compliant or nice me rises to a level that is unexpected.

I see it in their faces, the element of surprise and sometimes confusion. Lately, it's my sons school administrators that are on the receiving end of the dark side of me. It was a terse email last week that has set the stage for a meeting on the Monday after Spring Break.

My son has struggles similar to mine. He has ADD, a speech and language disorder that affects reading comprehension. Since Kindergarten, the school has had several copies of a detailed assessment performed by a top children's hospital in our area. The results of the assessment documented the above diagnoses. 

December 30, 2013

worst trip ever

I'm trying to have a good time away. However, so far a nice bracelet my husband bought me is lost at the airport, my expensive eye glasses are lost as of today. Praying to saint Anthony is not going well. I finally have crawled out of bed taken a trip with my husband and son. If I would've stayed home none of this would've happened. Its a holiday I'm out of town and have no glasses to see. I want to go home

December 22, 2013

More panic attacks

No known source unfortunately....never is that I can point to. Just need a bit higher on lorazepam like 1mg 3x per day instead of two. Good luck trying to get that these days. I try other methods of reducing anxiety but to no avail. Any advice on other medications from anyone I'd be happy to hear about it

December 19, 2013

a day at the spa

And my pain conditions persist. I have my typical fever and flu like syndrome. How in the world can I make this work. My husband bought me this for my birthday can't cancel. Just hoping my body cooperates.