March 27, 2014

Well I finally tried it

I have been spiraling out of control since starting a new depression medicine Fetzima.
I tried to end it but it didn't work. Imagine my frustration. It's been my son that has stopped me before. I feel now he deserves a better mom. He's home from school now so I'll come up with something that might work this weekend when my husband and son are gone for hours on Saturday
I've been suicidal most of my life. Nothing new. My dad says I'm no longer his strong child, my brother would rather embrace his new wife's family and their neighbors.

I'm going to make some videos for each of them. I will really miss my adorable, loving son.he has similar issues to me ADD, speech and language problems, he's a target for bullying. I can't watch this unfold anymore. I spend every waken moment with him the minute he comes home. I organize his binders, folders, homework, help him study for tests, I've got him in two additional academic programs. It's working. But this deep depression is so so strong. I was on Pristiq. Also four other potent medications. Pills are not my method not at all.
I don't think it works.

March 18, 2014

when suppressing anger is no longer an option

Many who know me wouldn't believe for a second that I suppress frustration for quite a while until one day, one moment, in a split second or less, my anger/rage comes out. Often a surprise to doctors, coworkers, teachers and school administration, one day the somewhat compliant or nice me rises to a level that is unexpected.

I see it in their faces, the element of surprise and sometimes confusion. Lately, it's my sons school administrators that are on the receiving end of the dark side of me. It was a terse email last week that has set the stage for a meeting on the Monday after Spring Break.

My son has struggles similar to mine. He has ADD, a speech and language disorder that affects reading comprehension. Since Kindergarten, the school has had several copies of a detailed assessment performed by a top children's hospital in our area. The results of the assessment documented the above diagnoses.