October 19, 2013

losing a brother before he dies...

I'm totally heart broken. my brother has 100% fused himself with a bunch of neighbors who he says is his real family.
ever since his wife's brother died! it's been worse? all I want is a relationship with him and my gorgeous twin nieces. I'm the only blood aunt they have but since no relationship exists right now and living out of state, it's so heartbreaking for me and me alone. there is history here some my fault! things I can't change.
he wanted me there with him when the girls were born! I hopped a plane for him and the girls? I became godmother! again hopped a plane? it was the worst week of my life.

he verbally tore me apart! broke my heart in two. I'm mourning the loss I never expected to lose.
Facebook can be a bad thing. all these girls calling my nieces their nieces, these are neighbors!!!!

please someone who can relate to this how do I mourn someone who isn't dead and I don't want to mourn.
I've tried everything at least I can see the girls when I go back home. I want to talk to him at least on the phone
but he's abandoned me and my father for his wife, her friends and the entire neighborhood they live in.
it doesn't have to be this way. we lost our mother. this is the source of our problems.
I have written already on here about that long story.

sometimes I wish I was on my death bed, would that bring him back? if I won the lottery that
would bring him back for sure. I love my husband, son and my nieces but maybe they are all better
off without me, it sure would help me to know longer feel this pain.
it's been a terrible week. out of the blue, my disability claim that I've been under for a year just dumped
me for a variety of reasons. now I have to appeal this meanwhile my husbands salary is it.
the life of a bipolar with many medical issues, taking a total of 11 medications is deemed
ready to work. seriously??

October 5, 2013

my son is being hurt I feel to blame

Since birth my son and his best friend havr grown up together and now they are eight. They go to the same and until this year were always in the same school group. For unknown reason his friend was put into a new group. Both boys seemed to be upset about it. My son asked me back then if it was his fault. Shocked I said why would it be because of you. He said he didn't know. I said there is no way its because of you there could be several reasons why that decision was made. If the school had issues with you and they never do. They would meet woth me. Well his friend doesn't sit with him on the bus anymore until my son asks him to I told my son not to force that on his friend. I've been working with my son to branch out and make his own friends but that's hard for my son. He has MERLD.it's a communication disorder. I try hard having him play.baseball, martial arts. He's friends with my other sons kids. I don't know what else to do