May 25, 2011

broken promises

we have all broken a promise to someone we care about. I know I have and more lately than I want to live with.

I question my ability to read people anymore. trust the wrong people not the right people.

how can I go to any place to get better with no one i trust? I am supposed to be 100% trusting that nothing will go wrong at this place?

if the past is an indication of the future and it is.... I should run from this idea.

broken promises on both sides... typical
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May 11, 2011

Beware of the technique...

Now I understand everything...gotta love it.

Some basic therapeutic techniques to use with borderlines:
1. Validate needs and feelings; avoid problem-solving for the patient

2. Be reliable and caring and real

3. Strongly praise any improvement in behavior

4. Re-attribute parental rejection to parental defects

5. Teach the patient to recognize the various ego-states or modes of behavior as they emerge in the sessions, and to understand how their dysfunctional assumptions arose naturally from their suboptimal early experiences

6. Attribute any patient failures to the patient's excusable misunderstandings and help the patient to analyze these

7. Using the empty chair technique, teach the patient how to talk back to the punitive parent

8. Acknowledge your mistakes and model forgiveness of yourself and others

May 8, 2011

Letter to my...fraud of a mother

I don't even know where to begin. Should I start from my first memory of you or just jump to what I learned yesterday?

I will start with that and see where this ends up. I talked to D, my future sister-in-law who I really feel is my sister already. D is going to be what a mother should be and that will be in my speech at the rehearsal dinner. I will talk about my brother and D that's the focus but you will hear my message.

May 4, 2011

Purple Haze part two

I just love this martini bar... No shouldn't be here but needed it tonight.
Hope everyone is well..more later

May 3, 2011

Confusion and guilt

So many decisions so little time. I've made a mess out of my life and wish something drastic would happen to take the decision making from me. What options are those? Heart attack? Car accident? Some other emergency?

I am in my brother's wedding, I have work commitments, I have just a few more weeks to go. I can do this its just a few weeks but I feel intense guilt. I am letting people down including my son who deserves a engaging mother. Not one that can't drive him around for fear of something going wrong with him in my car.

I can't go to his baseball games for fear that I will lose it on a parent. I am checked out. If I had done my work when I should have I could handle my problem now. Instead tomorrow I will be going to that place once again. This is a sad existence it truly is. But for my brother and to attempt to keep my job this is the only option for now.

Right? Even when I deal with my issues how will I be able to focus? Will I be able to get out of bed or function?