November 26, 2010

let the games begin

So i am in an abandonment nightmare at my moms this weekend...and therapy is hard right now as well.
On top of this my therapists office called today and i missed the call. They wanted to know when my next appt is.

I want to cry and scream. Last session apparently i wasnt on the schedule even though i am always mon and wed. Why is this happening now??? I feel like it is on purpose...my therapist just told me he doesnt think i have been working hard lately which i know that is somewhat true. I said sometimes it takes something drastic to make me think and know low and behold...i am falling apart because i may not have a session monday.

I left a message but they probably wont let me know anything until monday. I am already suffering right now this isnt right...but he couldnt care less. Maybe i should quit...not that it would affect him any...this is how it always ends for me anyway...there arent enough drugs in the world to obliterate the pain i am in right now.

Last night i prayed i wouldnt wake up today but i did....my mother is denying something i remembered last weekend and my therapist is trying to induce abandonment feelings so i will work harder...no shortage of people trying to hurt me... i hate everything right now especially me.

November 12, 2010

who am i?

Female, italian, mommy, boss, wife, daughter, sister, friend, fun sometimes, scared, angry, paranoid, empty, loyal, and,overall lost...