June 22, 2010

fat, fat, and more fat

That sums it up now doesn't it? I was going to join this program but my son needs a speech therapist which is more important than my fat reduction at the moment.

I can't exercise with this stupid fucking job of mine. I need to lose about 35 lbs at least. I've tried it all, pills, fad diets, everything except surgery or the lap-band but can't afford that either.

I swear these psychiatric drugs are the cause...I don't feel control over my life at all not since these drugs. I want to get off of them and away from the doctors too except my therapist. He won't go for me going off any of this though.

I'm going to end up six feet under.

June 9, 2010

I am lost

I feel very very lost tonight. Like I lost a best friend. I just don't feel understood by anyone really.

So much has gone wrong for me in the past three months and I am so overwhelmed, anxious, and fed up. Why talk to anyone about it really...

I'd like to close the book on myself and need to find a way to do just that. It can't be that hard right?