May 24, 2010

learned helplessness

my T brought this up tonight and its a term I haven't heard before. I certainly feel helpless about many situations in my life.

I asked him if he was getting tired of hearing me. Another comment I could have not said but there is a certain insecurity I have about dumping too much on someone, even if that is what he does all day long. I feel like a burden on people so I try not to overwhelm them.

perhaps the way to a cure is to 1) accept that I have caused many of my problems in some way and others I haven't 2) only I can change my reaction to all of this and 3) I get to pick the solution...will I pick the right one? Who knows.

If I am going to do this all by myself, then I might as well be by myself....right?

May 8, 2010

I should've shut up

and not trusted my husband...and i never will again. he took something hurtful to me and used it against me. I just want to run, be alone and/or disappear.

I pray that happens some day.