September 9, 2009

Thought provoking session...

So tonight I told T about the content of one of my previous posts. We talked briefly about my love for my former boyfriend Jimmy. From my point of view, its everlasting. I mean it started when we were 14 and the feelings are still there and we turn 40 this year.

anyway, he said that not all of my feelings are about Jimmy that they are about me too. My capacity to love is what he referred to. I haven't figured this out yet...usually takes me a few days to process most of what we talk about.

I do know that my feelings from Jimmy have bordered on the obsessive. More so when we were younger. I see some of why that probably occurred.

I'm just not sure yet how my feelings for him, I guess all these years, have been about me too...I'll take any help I can get figuring this out :)

5 comments:

Chinaski said...

I had a hard time dealing with my feelings for a past girlfriend when I was looking to get married to my wife. I finally had to resolve it by telling myself that I do not love one more than the other, they are different loves. Plus the one is real and here, the other only thrives because it is in my head. You sound like you have a lot of love to give. You give all to your husband and son but you still want to feel more. Some of us fall in love at first sight because of this, we are hopeless romantics. Probably will be till the day we die. We just love to be in love. (sounds like a Beatles song, no?)

Then again I am often full of it and just enjoy rambling on about nothing.

Big Heather said...

I like Chinaski's comment about you having still more love to give - I think it's true, but don't forget to give some of that love to yourself!

I've never told C, but I still think about G almost every day, and I dream of him often -- the scenario being that he's realized finally that he was only ever really happy with me and he's come back for me and I've got this strong pull to be with him, but I still want to hide it from C. Now in reality, those dreams freak me out, but make me wonder what would I do, even though I know I'd boot his ass, and I've blocked him from seeing any of my information in Facebook, but still there's that curiosity...

Psych Client said...

Chinaski, I am thinking about what you wrote "love being in love"...that resonates with me!

Heather, I know how you feel about G, I was there for some of it and I totally understand. The fantasies in our head can wreak havoc with our emotions...

Chinaski said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chinaski said...

By the way, this post had made me think a lot about my past and ended up becoming a post on my blog. I had referenced your post here and made a link to your blog on it. I hope you don't mind.